Movin' Up to Step Four
Before we move on to step four, let’s discuss something that usually comes up early in an alcoholic’s journey to sobriety. Remember you can plug in any problem or addiction you may have instead of alcohol.
With most alcoholics, you will find co-existing conditions. Most common are social anxiety disorders, which includes panic disorder, depression, bipolar disorder, and attention deficit disorder. Research has also shown that alcoholics may not be able to process alcohol in the way other people can.
It is not uncommon for someone new to the program to talk on and on at their first meetings about all the “reasons” they have a problem with alcohol. It’s akin to the penitent in the confessional telling the priest why he just had to commit some sin or another. Well, guess what? The priest doesn’t want to hear that nonsense anymore than we do. You are an alcoholic, first and foremost, because you drink too much and you are out of control. Period!
Because we don’t engage in “cross talk” at meetings, the more seasoned members just listen and pray silently that this person might try doing a bit of listening himself. If the new folks would quit talking and listen to our stories, eventually a light bulb might go off.
We are not being cold and unfeeling. We know that he/she must stop drinking in order for other conditions to be treated. A.A. is non-professional, but we recognize when someone is in need of medical help and we urge the person to avail himself or herself of other treatment. At one time or another, I suffered from almost each one of the above-mentioned co-existing conditions. We often drink, drug, eat, work, or even have a disordered attachment to our religion in an attempt to relieve the pain or discomfort associated with such disorders.
This is a program that requires “rigorous honesty” and as we move forward with step four, you will come to see how brutal this can be. It is usually at this step that a fallen-away Catholic will first feel the stirrings of a possible return to the Church of their childhood.
Step Four - "Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves."
"Let us examine our ways and test them, and let us return to the Lord." (Lamentations 3:40)
12 comments:
Wow. From the previous posts, I've gotten a sense of how arduous the program can be for those newly arrived. You're saying the heat is about to intensify. Is there a step where some find it to difficult to proceed and quit the program?
I'm learning a lot here.
Have you got anything to do with my nomination for the Cannonball awards by any chance??
MOTL - I will take full responsibility for your nomination.
Tom - Really now - it's not as though we take them out and beat them with rubber hoses. We listen and wait for that light bulb moment.
More quit the program than stay. Those would be the ones who never "got" step 1.
And we are not the only way. Just as many folks quit drinking without AA. I just wonder if they are getting sober or just not drinking. It's really more about the character defects than the alcohol.
Thank you for your informational post. Hope you don't mind but my site also has a little information about how to get over panic attacks -
thank you,
Brad Smith
Stop That Panic Attack
Here's an excerpt.
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Special Report: Self Help for Panic Attacks and Disorders
Many times people that have a panic disorder do not want to be treated with medication. They do not want to be placed on a pill everyday to keep them from having a panic attack. This is not unusual as some people will not want to be controlled by any form of medication for the problem that they are going through.
There are different ways to use self-help for panic attacks when you are going through the problems that a panic disorder can bring. Having the right state of mind to help you concentrate on how to feel better is going to be a great relief for many people. There are many self-help methods for panic disorders that are the same for controlling stress and other related emotional problems. There is no reason to be alarmed at this type of situation.
Auntie A-
I don't mean to imply that the AA treatment is insurmountable, but I have noticed that there is a reluctance on the part of those with a drinking problem to admit there is something wrong. The initial steps - from what I can surmise - can be quite challenging since the individual is psychologically and emotionally acclimating to the fact he or she is an alcoholic. As the steps progress, I would imagine that the some aspect of facing the disease would intensify in difficulty.
So sad to hear many quit. So glad to see you didn’t:0)
Brad - thanks for the info. It was very well stated. I used to suffer from anxiety of the "can't put your finger on where it's coming from type" (that's professional lingo for Generalized Anxiety Disorder)
I have used different meds - some helped - some didn't. After many years it just seemed to go away. At times I can feel it trying to well up but I squash it down pretty well. I HATE the way it feels. Never did the full blown panic thingy but I can sure imagine how it must feel.
Your site is very informative. Very well done.
Tom - half the RCIA team is in the program and our pastor has worked the steps. We were all laughing tonight about your comment about people leaving the program.
What we are experiencing here is a "normie" (that would be you) trying to get into the mind of a drunk. You can't but don't feel bad. We can't get into your head either. Try plugging in something besides alcohol.
Being in the program is no harder than being a Catholic. Read over those steps again and you will see that they cover just about everything the Church expects from us. Wait till I post on the "promises". If you google "AA promises" you will find them.
Adrienne, you've been tagged!
Great post. Here's a website that can help you overcome
anxiety disorder without much hassle. You might want to give it a try at www.attackanxiety.org
Fabulous post!
Once when my brother left treatment (for the 4th time) I asked if he was going to start AA then - he said no - he didn't have to do that because he was okay, and AA was a bunch of losers he'd rather not associate with. He died a couple of years later from liver disease. Oh, and he started drinking again that night he left treatment.
Yes his death was saad - but I think it is funny that he viewed the people in AA as losers. Obviously he learned nothing in treatment. He convinced everyone there he was just fine. It is indeed a cunning disease.
You bethca, Terry - I is loooser!
Not the first time I've heard that sad tale.
We tend to protect our emotions in AA because more people leave than stay. Or, as we say in the program, they "go back out." We say the Serenity Prayer and move on to the next person who needs help.
You are an alcoholic, first and foremost, because you drink too much and you are out of control. Period!
What you said about priests not wanting to listen to the penitent giving themselves spiritual direction in the Sacrament is true. Don't tell me why you think you did it .. just admit you did it. Period.
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