Twelve Steps of Alcoholic's Anonymous

Step One

12 Steps of Alcoholic's Anonymous

from an email I received:

    This is the song Frank just told me about.  As the story goes, T. Graham Brown quit drinking the day he finished writing it, and he was supposed to have received over 10,000 emails in 3 weeks time from other people who said the song helped them quit as well.

Our DUI Court System in the Real World

48 year old woman dead, husband a paraplegic....

John Strine, a financial advisor for Smith Barney, decided to drink and drive - again. After having drinks at two different bars (that we know of), he loaded a lady bartender into his Mercedes and proceeded to plow down two innocent folks who were enjoying the lovely weather.

This man was a serial drunk driver who repeatedly, due in large part to his ability to pay the right people, had his prior DUI offenses reduced in court.

"I see two prior alcohol related offenses, a negligent driving back in 1997 originally charged as a DUI as well as a reckless driving in 2005 that was also originally charged as DUI," Deputy Prosecutor George Gagnon said.

In 1990 I became a card carrying member of AA. Did I ever drive drunk before that? You bet! Only by the grace of God did I not cause either harm or death to another, and for that I will be eternally grateful.

If I had been caught driving drunk I would have probably done the same thing John Strine did when he was caught - hired me the best legal beagle I could find and do my utmost to buy my way out of the whole mess.

That's the point. The courts need to quit allowing us drunks to slide. It is no favor to us to let us skate on charges (it's the way we lead our lives - we're drunks !!!), and it was certainly not a favor to this woman or her husband.

Pray for the repose of Lorri Keller's soul, and for her husband who not only lost his wife, but will probably be a paraplegic.

Driver in fatal crash had history of DUI arrests

SPOKANE -- The man driving a car that collided with a motorcycle in Spokane Tuesday night that left one person dead and another hospitalized has a record of drunk driving. read the rest

Happy A.A. Birthday to my Hubby

November 17, 1990

November 17,2008

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Tonight, while waiting for the news to come on, hubby caught the last few minutes of Boston Legal. James Spader's character referred to bloggers as "beginning life forms emerging from the primordial ooze." Damn, that's enough to make a person start drinking again!

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Twelve Steps for Catholics ~ part 22

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Step Eleven

"Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God as we understood Him, praying only for knowledge of His will for us and the power to carry that out."





Conclusion of chapter on Step Eleven in the Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions

First part of chapter
Second part of chapter
Third part of chapter
Fourth part of chapter

Emphasis mine. My comments in red

Of course, it is reasonable and understandable that the question is often asked: “Why can't we take a specific and troubling dilemma straight to God, and in prayer secure from Him sure and definite answers to our requests?”

This can be done, but it has hazards. We have seen A.A.’s ask with much earnestness and faith for God’s explicit guidance on matters ranging all the way from a shattering domestic or financial crisis to correcting a minor personal fault, like tardiness. Quite often, however, the thoughts that seem to come from God are not answers at all. They prove to be well-intentioned unconscious rationalizations. The A.A., or indeed any man, who tries to run his life rigidly by this kind of prayer, by this self-serving demand of God for replies, is a particularly disconcerting individual. To any questioning or criticism of his actions he instantly proffers his reliance upon prayer for guidance in all matters great or small. He may have forgotten the possibility that his own wishful thinking and the human tendency to rationalize have distorted his so-called guidance. With the best of intentions, he tends to force his own will into all sorts of situations and problems with the comfortable assurance that he is acting under God’s specific direction. Under such an illusion, he can of course create great havoc without in the least intending it.

We also fall into another similar temptation. We form ideas as to what we think God’s will is for other people. We say to ourselves, “This one ought to be cured of his fatal malady, or “That one ought to be relieved of his emotional pain,” and we pray for these specific things. Such prayers, of course, are fundamentally good acts, but often they are based upon a supposition that we know God’s will for the person for whom we pray. This means that side by side with an earnest prayer there can be certain amount of presumption and conceit in us. It is A.A.’s experience that particularly in these case we ought to pray that God’s will, whatever it is, be done for others as well as for ourselves.

In A.A. we have found that the actual good results of prayer are beyond question. They are matters of knowledge and experience. All those who have persisted have found strength not ordinarily their own. They have found wisdom beyond their usual capability. And they have increasingly found a peace of mind, which can stand firm in the face of difficult circumstances.

We discover that we do receive guidance for our lives to just about the extent that we stop making demands upon God to give it to us on order and on our term. Almost any experience A.A. will tell how his affairs have taken remarkable and unexpected turns for the better as he tried to improve his conscious contact with God. He will also report that out of every season of grief or suffering, when the hand of God seemed heavy or even unjust, new lessons for living were learned, new resources of courage were uncovered and that finally, inescapably, the conviction came that God does “move in a mysterious way His wonders to perform.”

All this should be very encouraging news for those who recoil from prayer because they don’t believe in it, or because they feel themselves cut off from God’s help and direction. All of us, without exception, pass through times when we can pray only with the greatest exertion of will. Occasionally we go even further than this. We are seized with a rebellion so sickening that we simply won’t pray. When these things happen we should not think too ill of ourselves. Ignatius cautions us against railing against ourselves or being filled with despair for our past actions. To sink too deeply into this type of thinking is just another form of pride. We should simply resume prayer as soon as we can, doing what we know to be good for us. Ignatius and others refer to this as "dryness in prayer." It has been my experience that when God is the closest to us and great changes are occurring, we tend to feel that God has abandoned us. This is where a good spiritual advisor is helpful. And above all - persevere in prayer

Perhaps one of the greatest rewards of meditation and prayer is the sense of belonging that comes to us. We no longer live in a completely hostile world. We are no longer lost and frightened and purposeless. The moment we catch even a glimpse of God’s will, the we begin to see truth, justice, and love as the real and eternal things in life, we are no longer deeply disturbed by all the seeming evidence to the contrary that surrounds us in purely human affairs. We know that God lovingly watches over us. We know that when we turn to Him, all will be well with us, here and hereafter.

The concept that God speaks to us in many different ways is important to understand. I remind folks that if they are waiting for a burning bush, they may have a long wait. Meantime, they have missed the many times God has spoken to them through people and events.
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Twelve Steps for Catholics ~ part 21

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The Twelve Steps

are for

Everyone

More

on

Step Eleven

"Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God as we understood Him, praying only for knowledge of His will for us and the power to carry that out."

Continuation of the chapter on Step Eleven from Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions

This chapter so far has covered the necessity of prayer and meditation with some simple helpful hints on how to meditate. The focus has been on the Peace Prayer of St. Francis being used as an aid to meditation.

First part of chapter
Second part of chapter
Third part of chapter

Fourth part of chapter

Emphasis mine. My comments in red

This much could be a fragment of what is called meditation, perhaps our very first attempt at a mood, a flier into the realm of spirit, if you like. It ought to be followed by a good look at where we stand now, and a further look at what might happen in our lives were we ale to move closer to the ideal we have been trying to glimpse. Meditation is something which can always be further developed. It has no boundaries, either of width or height. Aided by such instruction and example as we can find, it is essentially an individual adventure, something which each one of us works out in his own way. But its object is always the same: to improve our conscious contact with God, with His grace, wisdom, and love. And let's always remember that meditation is in reality intensely practical. One of its first fruits is emotional balance. With it we can broaden and deepen the channel between ourselves and God as we understand Him.

Now, what of prayer? Prayer is the raising of the heart and mind to G0d - and in this sense it includes meditation. How may we go about it? And how does it fit in with meditation? Prayer, as commonly understood, is a petition to God. The Catechism of the Catholic Church lists four different types of prayer. Prayer of petition is one and the others are: Blessing and Adoration, Intercession, Thanksgiving and Praise. Having opened our channel as best we can, we try to ask for those right things of which we and others are in the greatest need. And we think that the whole range of our needs is well defined by that part of Step Eleven which says: "...knowledge of His will for us and the power to carry that out." A request for this fits in any part of our day.

In the morning we think of the hours to come. Perhaps we think of our day's work and the chances it may afford us to be useful and helpful, or of some special problem that it may bring. Possibly today will see a continuation of a serious and as yet unresolved problem left over from yesterday. Our immediate temptation will be to ask for specific solutions to specific problems, and for the ability to help other people as we have already thought they should be helped. In that case, we are asking God to do it our way. Therefore, we ought to consider each request carefully to see what its real merit is. Even so, when making specific requests, it will be well to add to each one of them this qualification:"...if it be Thy will." We ask simply that throughout the day God place in us the best understanding of His will that we can have for that day, and that we be given the grace by which we may carry it out.

As the day goes on, we can pause where situations must be met and decisions made, and renew the simple request: "Thy will, not mine, be done." If at these points our emotional disturbance happens to be great, we will more surely keep our balance, provided we remember, and repeat to ourselves, a particular prayer or phrase that has appealed to us in our reading or meditation. Just saying it over and over will often enable us to clear a channel choked up with anger, fear, frustration, or misunderstanding, and permit us to return to the surest help of all - our search for God's will, not our own, in the moment of stress. At these critical moments, if we remind ourselves that "it is better to comfort than to be comforted, to understand than to be understood, to love than to be loved," we will be following the intent of Step Eleven.

I think the help of a good spiritual advisor is important. Your first choice should be your pastor or some other orthodox religious. Too often though, these resources are not available to us. Do not overlook the help of a pious friend who is willing to help you seek clarity. Far too often I hear people saying things such as, "God wants me to do such and such", or "This is God's will for me", with no consultation with someone who is willing to say, "What makes you so sure?"

Most of us do some form of this every time we sit and listen to our friends tell us their problems and we gently guide them in the right direction. Sometimes the guidance is not too gentle depending on the person we are dealing with, of course. I am prone to not suffer whining and self-serving excuses too well and have been known to call stupid thinking, well, stupid.

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Wisdom of Bill W.

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"A.A. is no success story in the ordinary sense of the word. It is a story of suffering transmuted, under grace, into spiritual progress."

Bill W. from a letter, 1959
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Twelve Steps for Catholics ~ part 20

Step Eleven

Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God as we understood Him, praying only for knowledge of His will for us and the power to carry that out."

Continuation of the chapter on Step Eleven from
Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions

First part of chapter

Second part of chapter

Third part of chapter

Emphasis mine. My comments in red

As beginners in meditation, we might now reread this prayer (prayer of St. Francis/see previous post) several times very slowly, savoring every word and trying to take in the deep meaning of each phrase and idea. It will help if we can drop all resistance to what our friend says. For in meditation, debate has no place. We rest quietly with the thoughts of someone who knows, so that we may experience and learn.

As though lying upon a sunlit beach, let us relax and breathe deeply of the spiritual atmosphere with which the grace of this prayer surrounds us. Let us become willing to partake and be strengthened and lifted up by the sheer spiritual power, beauty, and love of which these magnificent words are the carriers. Let us look now upon the sea and ponder what its mystery is; and let us lift our eyes to the far horizon, beyond which we shall seek all those wonders still unseen.

"Shucks!" says somebody. "This is nonsense. It isn't practical."

When such thoughts break in, we might recall, a little ruefully, how much store we used to set by imagination as it tried to create reality out of bottles. Yes, we reveled in that sort of thinking, didn't we? I spent 30 years of my life living in the alcoholic haze of my imagination. It was not very constructive. And though sober nowadays, don't we often try to do much the same thing? Well, sure. It's what I call my "drunk" days. Perhaps our trouble was not that we used our imagination. Perhaps the real trouble was our almost total inability to point imagination toward the right objectives. There's nothing the matter with constructive imagination; all sound achievement rests upon it. After all, no man can build a house until he first envisions a plan for it. Well, meditation is like that , too; it helps to envision our spiritual objective before we try to move toward it. So let's get back to that sunlit beach - or to the plains or to the mountains, if you prefer.

When, by such simple devices, we have placed ourselves in a mood in which we can focus undisturbed on constructive imagination, we might proceed like this:

Once more we read our prayer, and again try to see what its inner essence is. We'll think now about the man who first uttered the prayer. First of all, he wanted to become a "channel." Then he asked for the grace to bring love, forgiveness, harmony, truth, faith, hope, light, and joy to every human being he could.

Next came the expression of an aspiration and a hope for himself. He hoped, God willing, that he might be able to find some of these treasures, too. This he would try to do by what he called self-forgetting. What did he mean by "self-forgetting," and how did he propose to accomplish that?

He thought it better to give comfort than to receive it; better to understand than to be understood; better to forgive than to be forgiven.

I am disturbed and upset by the recent statements made by some of our leading politicians. In particular, those that call themselves Catholic make me the saddest. But it also saddens me to see journalists, bloggers, and political commentators lower themselves to write with a degree of ugliness and anger that takes my breath away. I doubt this is the channel St. Francis had in mind when he wrote his prayer.

I'm just as guilty and am quite capable of whiling away many an hour at the dining room table ripping into any and everybody that doesn't meet my expectations. As an alcoholic I am well aware of the dangers of this wallowing in anger. I love the old saying that to harbor anger and resentments is like taking poison and waiting for the other guy to die. Little by little we die inside and block the grace of God when we persist in this attitude.

Now, more than ever, we need to pray for our politicians, bishops, priests, and ourselves.

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Wisdom of Bill W.

The Step
that
Keeps us Growing

Sometimes, when friends tell us how well we are doing. we know better inside. We know we aren't doing well enough. We still can't handle life, as life is. There must be a serious flaw somewhere in our spiritual practice and development.

What, then, is it?

The chances are better than even that we shall locate our trouble in our misunderstanding or neglect of A.A. Step Eleven - prayer, meditation, and the guidance of God.

The other Steps can keep most of us sober and somehow functioning. But Step Eleven can keep us growing, if we try hard and work at it continually.

Bill W.

Grapevine Magazine, June 1958

~ ~ ~

I would have to say that I am sober and somewhat functioning. More prayer needed!

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Wisdom of Bill W.

Results

of

Prayer

As the doubter tries the process of prayer, he should begin to add up the results. If he persists he will almost surely find more serenity, more tolerance, less fear, and less anger. He will acquire a quiet courage, the kind that isn't tension-ridden. He can look at "failure" and "success" for what these really are. Problems and calamity will begin to mean his instruction, instead of his destruction. He will feel freer and saner.

The idea that he may have been hypnotizing himself by autosuggestion will become laughable. His sense of purpose and of direction will increase. His anxieties will commence to fade. His physical health will be likely to improve. Wonderful and unaccountable things will start to happen. Twisted relations in his family and on the outside will improve surprisingly.

Bill W. (co-founder A.A.)

Grapevine Magazine, 1958

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Twelve Steps for Catholics ~ part 19

Step Eleven

Continuation of the chapter on Step Eleven from

Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions

Emphasis mine. My comments in red

"Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God as we understood Him, praying only for knowledge of His will for us and the power to carry that out."

First part of chapter

Second part of chapter

As we have seen, self-searching is the means by which we bring new vision, action, and grace to bear upon the dark and negative side of our natures. It is a step in the development of that kind of humility that makes it possible for us to receive God's help. Yet it is only a step. We will want to go further. Ah yes, here's that old humility rearing its head again. Thy will, not mine.

We will want the good that is in us all, even in the worst of us, to flower and to grow. Most certainly we shall need bracing air and an abundance of food. But first of all we shall want sunlight; nothing much can grow in the dark. Meditation is our step out into the sun. How, then, shall we meditate? The authors are referring to Christian meditation. It is a way to listen to God. Meditation that calls for you to "empty yourselves" is not Christian. At the time this was written Eastern meditation and its offshoots had not really entered the mainstream of our society.

The actual experience of meditation and prayer across the centuries is, of course, immense. The world's libraries and places of worship are a treasure trove for all seekers. It is to be hoped that every A.A. who has a religious connection which emphasizes meditation will return to the practice of that devotion as never before. But what about the rest of us who, don't even know how to begin?

Well, we might start like this. First let's look at a really good prayer. We won't have far to seek; the great men and women of all religions have left us a wonderful supply. Here let us consider one that is a classic.

Its author was a man who for several hundred years now has been rated as a saint. We won't be biased or scared off by that fact, because although he was not an alcoholic he did, like us, go through the emotional wringer. And as he came out the other side of that painful experience, this prayer was his expression of what he could then see, feel, and wish to become:

"Lord make me a channel of thy peace - that where there is hatred, I may bring love - that where there is wrong, I may bring the spirit of forgiveness - that where there is discord, I may bring harmony - that where there is error, I may bring truth - that where there is doubt,I may bring faith - that where there is despair, I may bring hope - that where there are shadows, I may bring light - that where there is sadness, I may bring joy. Lord, grant that I may seek rather to comfort than to be comforted - to understand, than to be understood - to love, than to be loved. For it is by self-forgetting that one finds. It is by forgiving that one is forgiven. It is by dying that one awakens to Eternal Life. Amen

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Twelve Steps for Catholics ~ part 18

Step Eleven

Continuation of the Step Eleven chapter in Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions. My emphasis in bold and my comments in red. First part of chapter in preceding post.

Sometimes we took a slightly different tack. Sure, we said to ourselves, the hen probably did come before the egg. No doubt the universe had a “first cause” of some sort, the God of the Atom, maybe, hot and cold by turns. But certainly there wasn’t any evidence for a God who knew or cared about human beings. We liked A.A, all right, and were quick to say that it had done miracles. But we recoiled from meditation and prayer as obstinately as the scientist who refused to perform a certain experiment lest it prove his pet theory wrong. Of course we finally did experiment, and when unexpected results followed, we felt different; in fact we knew different; and so we were sold on meditation and prayer. And that, we have found, can happen to anybody who tries. It has been well said that “almost the only scoffers at prayer are those who never tried it enough.” It’s the “try it, you’ll like it” ploy.

Those of us who have come to make regular use of prayer would no more do without it than we would refuse air, food, or sunshine. And for the same reason. When we refuse air, light, or food, the body suffers. And when we turn away from meditation and prayer, we likewise deprive our minds, our emotions, and our intuitions of vitally needed support. As the body can fail its purpose for lack of nourishment, so can the soul. We all need the light of God’s reality, the nourishment of His strength, and the atmosphere of His grace. To an amazing extent the facts of A.A. life confirm this ageless truth.

There is a direct linkage among self-examination, meditation, and prayer. Taken separately, these practices can bring much relief and benefit. But when they are logically related and interwoven, the result is an unshakable foundation for life. Now and then we may be granted a glimpse of that ultimate reality which is God’s kingdom. And we will be comforted and assured that our own destiny in that realm will be secure for so long as we try, however falteringly, to find and do the will of our own Creator.

This entire chapter reminds me of my car selling days. Earlier in the chapter the authors very briefly sympathize with the agnostic. Then they just ignore the first objection which is rarely the real objection, and proceed to sell the benefits. Brilliant approach.

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From the Writings

of

Saint Rose of Lima

Feast Day Celebrated August 23

"If only mortals would learn how great it is to possess divine grace, how beautiful, how noble, how precious. How many riches it hides within itself, how many joys and delights! No one would complain about his cross or about troubles that may happen to him, if he would come to know the scales on which they are weighed when they are distributed to men."

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Twelve Steps for Catholics ~ part 17

Step Eleven

"Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God as we understood Him, praying only for knowledge of His will for us and the power to carry that out."

Preparing to write about Step Eleven had me re-reading the pertinent chapter in Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions, a book first published in 1952 to help clarify the Steps of A.A. As we grow and change, we can read something familiar and still see completely new concepts and receive all sorts of new insights. It has been over two years since I read this chapter and I was so taken aback at the wisdom I was left speechless. It is rare for an Italian woman to be left "speechless" – a condition that usually occurs at the time of death (and I’m not even convinced death would slow our mouths down one teeny tiny bit.)

I consider myself somewhat of an expert on books written about prayer. My problem is I have a tendency to read books about prayer rather than just pray. It is one of the classic symptoms of a procrastinator. We have to make sure all proper information is gathered so we can embark on our task without fear of failure.

Procrastinators also compare ourselves with anyone and everybody. And we usually come out at the bottom of the heap. So it with no great surprise that as I am reading this chapter my little inner voice was chanting, “What could you possibly say that would be better than this?” And you know what? For once my inner voice was right. I can’t say it any better.

Since many of my readers are not alcoholics and would not be likely to have a copy of this book handy, I have decided to treat all of you to the complete chapter on Step Eleven. This will be like the old days of serial movies on Saturday afternoon. I will give you a few paragraphs each day to reflect on and hopefully put into action in your own lives. If I decide to drop in my two cents worth, which is about all it will be worth, my comments will be in red. Enjoy.

Remember: The Twelve Steps are for Everyone!

Step Eleven
Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions, page 96

Prayer and Meditation are our principal means of conscious contact with God.

We A.A.’s are active folk, enjoying the satisfactions of dealing with the realities of life, usually for the first time in our lives, and strenuously trying to help the next alcoholic who comes along. So it isn’t surprising that we often tend to slight serous meditation and prayer as something not necessary. To be sure, we feel it is something that might help us to meet an occasional emergency, but at first many of us are apt to regard it as a somewhat mysterious skill of clergyman, from which we may hope to get a secondhand benefit. Or perhaps we don’t believe in these things at all.

To certain newcomers and to those one-time agnostics who still cling to the A.A. group as their higher power, claims for the power of prayer may, despite all the logic and experience in proof of it, still be unconvincing or quite objectionable. Remember I told you one of the goals of A.A. was to lead people to God? Watch how gently this is done as this chapter unfolds. Those of us who once felt this way can certainly understand and sympathize. We well remember how something deep inside us kept rebelling against the idea of bowing before any God. Many of us had strong logic, too, which “proved” there was no God whatever. What about all the accidents, sickness, cruelty, and injustice in the world? What about all those unhappy lives which were the direct result of unfortunate birth and uncontrollable circumstances? Surely there could be no justice in this scheme of things, and therefore no God at all.

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Twelve Steps for Catholics ~ part 16

Steps Eleven

and

Twelve

Step Eleven: Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God as we understood Him, praying only for knowledge of His will for us and the power to carry that out.

Step Twelve: Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to alcoholics and to practice these principles in all our affairs.

"In the first six months of my own sobriety, I worked hard with many alcoholics. Not a one responded. Yet this work kept me sober. It wasn't a question of those alcoholics giving me anything. My stability came out of trying to give, not out of demanding that I receive." Bill W. Grapevine Magazine 1958

Tomorrow I will go into more detail on these steps and how it corresponds so closely with Catholic teachings. After Steps 11 and 12 I will be spending time on the movement loosely referred to as "New Age". I'll be looking at the some of the history and the spreading of this type of thinking and how it is affecting our church today. As always, I will try to be simple and straight forward.

Father Ed Dowling

and

AA's Bill W.

by Robert Fitzgerald, S.J

Bill Wilson, co-founder of Alcoholics Anonymous, was down. His feet hung over the end of the bed that nearly filled the small room he and his wife, Lois, had rented above the 24th Street AA Club in New York. It was a cold, rainy November in 1940. Lois, who supported them both with a job at a department store, was out. Bill was wondering whether the stomach pain he was feeling was an ulcer.

The walls were closing in. Thousands of copies of the Big Book were waiting in a warehouse, unsold. A few people were sober, but Bill was frustrated. How could he reach all who wanted help? Nine months earlier, a gathering of rich New Yorkers had come and gone with applause for the young movement, but no money. Hank P., after complaining for half a year, finally got drunk in April. Rollie H., a nationally famous ball-player, sobered up but broke AA's policy of anonymity by calling the press for a full name-and-photograph story.

Eventually, Bill fell into the same trap as Rollie; he began calling reporters, too, wherever he gave talks. Now he was becoming the center of attention. He had just returned from Baltimore, where a minister had asked him to face the self-pity in his own talk. He was depressed. What if he -- five years sober -- were to drink?

It was 10 p.m. The doorbell rang. Tom, the Club's maintenance man, said there was "some bum from St. Louis" to see him. Reluctantly, Bill said, "Send him up." To himself, he muttered, "Not another drunk. "

But Bill welcomed the stranger, all the same. As the man shuffled to a wooden chair opposite the bed and sat down, his black raincoat fell open, revealing a Roman collar.

"I'm Father Ed Dowling from St. Louis," he said. "A Jesuit friend and I have been struck by the similarity of the AA twelve steps and the Spiritual Exercises of St. Ignatius."
"Never heard of them."
Father Ed laughed. This endeared him to Bill.

Robert Thomsen tells the rest of the story this way in his book, Bill W.:

"The curious little man went on and on, and as he did, Bill could feel his body relaxing, his spirits rising. Gradually he realized that this man sitting across from him was radiating a kind of grace...
Primarily, Father Ed wanted to talk about the paradox of AA, the 'regeneration,' he called it, the strength arising out of defeat and weakness, the loss of one's old life as a condition for achieving a new one. And Bill agreed with everything..."

Soon Bill was talking about all the steps and taking his fifth step (telling the exact nature of his wrongs) with this priest who had limped in from a storm. He told Father Ed about his anger, his impatience, his mounting dissatisfactions. "Blessed are they," Father Ed said, "who hunger and thirst."

When Bill asked whether there was ever to be any satisfaction, the priest snapped, "Never. Never any." Bill would have to keep on reaching. In time, his reaching would find God's goals, hidden in his own heart. Thomsen continues:

"Bill had made a decision, Father Ed reminded him, to turn his life and his will over to God ... he was not to sit in judgment on how he or the world was proceeding. He had only to keep the channels open ... it was not up to him to decide how fast or how slowly AA developed ... For whether the two of them liked it or not, the world was undoubtedly proceeding as it should, in God's good time."

Father Ed continued quoting Bill's work to him. No one had been able to maintain perfect adherence to the principles. None were saints. They claimed spiritual progress, not spiritual perfection.

Before Father Ed left, he pulled his body up, and leaning on his cane he thrust his head forward and looked straight into Bill's eyes. There was a force in Bill, he said, that was all his own. It had never been on this earth before, and if Bill did anything to mar it or block it, it would never exist anywhere again. That night, for the first time in months, Bill Wilson slept soundly.

Thus began a 20-year friendship nourished by visits, phone calls, and letters. Both men spoke the language of the HEART, learned through suffering: Bill from alcoholism, Father Ed from arthritis that was turning his back to stone.

Bill turned to Father Ed as a spiritual sponsor, a friend. Father Ed, in a letter to his provincial, noted that he saw his own gift for AA as a "very free use of the Ignatian Rules for the Discernment of Spirits for the second week of the Spiritual Exercise."

Thus Father Ed endorsed AA for American Catholics with his appendix in the Big Book and his Queen's Work pamphlet of 1947. He was the first to see wider applications of the twelve steps to other addictions, and wrote about that in Grapevine (AA's magazine) in the spring 1960 issue. Bill added a last line to that Grapevine article: "Father Ed, an early and wonderful friend of AA, died as this last message went to press. He was the greatest and most gentle soul to walk this planet. I was closer to him than to any other human being on earth."

For his part, Father Ed counted many gifts from Bill. He had told his sister, Anna, that the graces he received from their meeting were equivalent to those received at his own ordination. And he thanked Bill for letting him "hitchhike" on the twelve steps. In 1942 he wrote to Bill that he had started a national movement for married couples to help each other through the twelve steps: CANA (Couples Are Not Alone). He used the steps to help people with mental difficulties, scruples, and sexual compulsions.

When chided by an AA member about his smoking, Father Ed stopped with help from the twelve steps and wrote to Bill that as a result he was becoming as "fat as a hog." Next, he tried to use the twelve steps with his own compulsive eating. One story of his struggle ends with Father Ed one night eating all the strawberries intended to feed the whole Jesuit Community. He became so sick he had to receive last rites. He went from 242 to 167 pounds and up again like a yo-yo. He asked Bill to start an 00 ("obese obvious") group.

Often Father Ed spoke of being helped by attending an open AA meeting and wrote to Bill that AA was his "lonely hearts club." In his last 20 years his ministry changed radically due to AA and his friendship with Lois and Bill. He gave CANA conferences for families, using the twelve steps, once a month from 1942 to 1960. He cheered Lois on as she started and continued with Al-Anon. Father Ed rejoiced that in "moving therapy from the expensive clinical couch to the low-cost coffee bar, from the inexperienced professional to the informed amateur, AA has democratized sanity."

He wrote his superior to free up another Jesuit, Father John Higgins, who was recovering from mental illness, to work with Recovery Inc., a group Dr. Abraham Low had started for people with mental problems. Those groups for mental illness were especially close to Father Ed's heart as there was a history of depression in his own family. He called people to be "wounded healers" for each other.

Was there anything from the Spiritual Exercises of Ignatius in Father Ed's gift to Bill? Father Ed pointed out parallels between the Spiritual Exercises and the twelve steps several times, but Bill had written the twelve steps before he ever heard of the Spiritual Exercises.

Father Ed did give Bill a copy of the Spiritual Exercises in 1952, underlining the "Two Standards" meditation. When Father Ed met Bill, moreover, he had called him to the place where he bottomed out and surrendered to his Higher Power. Father Ed believed that this was the place where humiliations led to humility and then to all other blessings. In saying this, he paraphrased Ignatius's closing prayer of the "Two Standards" meditations. And this, Father Ed maintained, was where the Exercises become most like AA.

He went a step further and invited Bill to make choices based on poverty and humility rather than on money, power, or fame.
This suggestion helped Bill Wilson turn down an honorary degree from Yale. On the packet of letters dealing with his decision, he wrote: "To Father Ed, with gratitude." In the letter to Yale he stated his reasons for declining the honor:

"My own life story gathered for years around an implacable pursuit of money, fame, and power, anti-climaxed by my near sinking in a sea of alcohol. Though I survived that grim misadventure, I well understand that the dread neurotic germ of the power contagion has survived in me also. It is only dormant and it can again multiply and rend me -- and AA, too. Tens of thousands of AA members are temperamentally like me. They know it, fortunately, and I know it. Hence our tradition of anonymity and hence my clear obligation to decline this honor with all the immediate satisfaction and benefit it could have yielded."

This, then, is where Father Ed met Bill that rainy night long ago, in the small room where bottoming out opens up to life, where humiliations lead to humility -- and to all other blessings.

From The Catholic Digest, April 1991

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Faith

Faith is more than our greatest gift; its sharing with others is our greatest responsibility. May we of A.A. continually seek the wisdom and the willingness by which we may well fulfill that immense trust which the Giver of all perfect gifts has placed in our hands.

Bill W., Grapevine Magazine, April 1961

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Daily Acceptance


Not just for alcoholics...


"Too much of my life has been spent in dwelling upon the faults of others. This is a most subtle and perverse form of self-satisfaction, which permits us to remain comfortably unaware of our own defects. Too often we are heard to say, "If it weren't for him (or her), how happy I'd be!" Bill W., Letter, 1966

* * *

Our first problem is to accept our present circumstances as they are, ourselves as we are, and the people about us as they are. This is to adopt a realistic humility without which no genuine advance can even begin. Again and again, we shall need to return to that unflattering point of departure. This is an exercise in acceptance that we can profitably practice every day of our lives.

Provided we strenuously avoid turning these realistic surveys of the facts of life into unrealistic alibis for apathy or defeatism, they can be the sure foundation upon which increased emotional health and therefore spiritual progress can be built. Grapevine Magazine, March 1962

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Twelve Steps

Question

Terry asked: "Re-reading these symptoms, I have to ask - why isn't alcoholism considered mental illness? I forget to check back sometimes - so if you think this is legit - please email or do a post. Thanks.

This is the email I sent Terry (with the personal stuff removed.) And Terry, I think "forgetting to check back" could be considered a mental illness. Maybe passive-aggressive or attachment disorder. Hmmmmm, I'll have to think on that.

DSM-IV (Diagnostic and Statistical Manual) lists alcoholism as a mental illness. But it also lists about 299 other things as mental illness. I know of people who receive disability due to their alcoholism. Now how's that for having your cake and eating it too?? Get paid to drink.

I prefer not to define it that way. Like what you had in one of your posts about the lesbian who said she didn't care why she was the way she was, I also really don't care how I happened to become an alcoholic. The only thing I need to know is I can't drink.

We can give our faults all sorts of names and then the danger is those names become excuses. My ex-sister-in-law likes to say that my nephew drinks because of my brother. Hmmm, no - my nephew drinks 'cause he's a drunk. He's 42 years old. Time to quit blaming dear old Dad. Now, what's weird about this is my ex-sister-in-law is in the program and should know better.

I've seen new people in the program who start reading crap about their weirded out metabolism, genetic predisposition, and on and on. What they are really looking for is way to keep drinking.

My favorite story about this sort of thing was from Wayne Dyer before he got all New Agey. A lady came to him because she had a nail biting problem. She had been in therapy for 25 years to get to the bottom of this problem and heard Dr. Dyer was really good at helping people. After explaining her problem Wayne looked at her and asked, "has anyone suggested you keep your fingers out of your mouth?" Bingo! Problem solved.

So the DSM-IV says I'm mentally ill. Damn, Terry - I didn't need them to tell me that.

My motto? Crazy but not dangerous......

Adrienne

There are many disorders that that co-exist with alcoholism. Depression, bi-polar disorder, and one of my problems, Adult Attention Deficit Disorder, are just several of too many to list. None of these problems can be addressed until the alcoholic stops drinking. But as I said in the email, they cannot be used as an excuse. Having an awareness and good treatment for any of these disorders will certainly help you with your journey to sobriety.

As Catholics we are asked to have an awareness of our faults in order to work on correcting them. Beating up on ourselves or using them as an excuse for sinful behavior is not, nor ever was, the point. If that were true, God would not have given us the Sacrament of Reconciliation. He knows we will fail and He expects us to pick ourselves up, brush off the dirt, and get back to the process of "working out our salvation in fear and trembling."





Disclaimer: Certainly if someone is in a full-scale manic or depressive episode it would qualify as a "mitigating" circumstance. The more extreme cases of mental illness require the attention of a qualified physician and are not to judged harshly.

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Don't forget to vote on my poll. See following post. Thanks!

Is A.A. a Cult?

My friend Adoro on my post concerning dry drunks posted this comment. It raised some very valid concerns about the actual program of Alcoholics Anonymous. Paul over at Sober Catholic has also raised the same issues.

First lets hear what Adoro has to say:

Thanks for the definition in terms. Whenever I've seen the phrase "dry drunk" I actually thought it applied to people I've met that I don't recall actually fit the criteria. The people in question were recovering alcoholics, but they were unbearable about it. They were so on the wagon that any reference to any desire by anyone for a drink containing alcohol must mean that the person making the comment MUST be an alcoholic.

The "dry drunk" (in my understanding) was basically an obsessive-compulsive switching from one addiction to another...the first being alcoholism, the other extreme...anti-alcohol to a fault. There was no source other than the 12 steps; it ate up all his time and conversation, there was nothing else in this world, and basically, the attitude was that EVERYONE is an alcoholic.

My Dad was an alcoholic, and the one time I remember having to go to Al-anon or whatever we had to go to, it was so cultic and so like THAT that it's turned me off forever to that particular group. I've also seen it since then so these aren't just observations from childhood. So...maybe it's a different phenomenon? Or part of the same thing? Someone gets sober and suddenly switches gears and it becomes a pyramid organization?

When I worked in probation (as a volunteer) I worked with a lot of DUI convicts. They were required to go to AA or some other, and AA was the top recommendation. Some of them came to me to say they didn't like the AA program and asked if, instead they could go to the group through their church or some alternative, and they cited the "cult-like" atmosphere. I realize not all groups are "cult-like" but the attitude seems so widespread. We did let the probationers seek other programs, certainly (and I suspect that some of them WERE AA but just being held through their church maybe by a different name...) lol

One of the things I stressed about the Twelve Steps of Alcoholic’s Anonymous was the universality of the program. It can be applied to any area of our lives in which we are experiencing problems. I also have stressed that it is an aid to our spiritual life and not a substitute for the teachings of the Catholic Church. It is really no different than using Ignatian or Dominican spirituality as a means to improve our conscience contact with God.

What I have avoided talking about is the absolute need to go to A.A., O.A., or N.A. meetings. Having grown up in an A.A. household, I have been well acquainted with the program since about the age of nine. Over the years I have seen the program, when left unchecked, morph into something the founders never intended.

We have to read authentic A.A. literature just as we read the Bible, keeping in mind the intent of the authors and the audience to whom they were writing. The founders of A.A. were offshoots of the Oxford Group, a religious group that had the seeds of the Twelve Steps. The basis of the A.A. program was spiritual. There were many ministers and priests involved in the early years, and these people and the early members understood the program was founded on spiritual principles.

Let’s fast-forward from 1936 to 2008. We now live in a society that has embraced what I will give a blanket title of New Age. Under this umbrella is the cult of the individual, Phenomenology, Gnosticism, Pantheism, and any other ism’s you can dream up. People caught up in these movements will interpret what they read and hear through their own filter.

Because of this, you will see people make A.A. their world, rather than experiencing the program as a way to live in the world. More and more I see people who do not operate well outside the program. The meetings have become their social outlet and most, if not all, of their friends are in the program. Some become obsessed and see a drunk around every corner. If they become a sponsor to a new member, their tendency is to smother and dominate the newbie – hence the cult like feeling that Adoro mentioned.

The majority of the people who have most skewed the program don’t go to church. They have made A.A. their church. This was never the intent of the founders.

Just as we have “cafeteria” Catholics, we also have “cafeteria” A.A. members. Rather than learn what the founders intended, they “hear” the steps any old way they want. This in no way negates the wisdom contained in the steps anymore than a poorly formed Catholic negates the doctrines of Holy Mother Church.

…proclaim the word; be persistent whether it is convenient or inconvenient; convince, reprimand, encourage through all patience and teaching.
For the time will come when people will not tolerate sound doctrine but, following their own desires and insatiable curiosity, will accumulate teachers
and will stop listening to the truth and will be diverted to myths. But you, be self-possessed in all circumstances; put up with hardship; perform the work of an evangelist; fulfill your ministry. 2 Timothy 2- 5

For those interested: An A.A. History Timeline

* * *

The 12 Steps for Catholics

Dry Drunk

Terry asked what a dry drunk was and before I had a chance to post on the subject, he sent me a nice link. I already had that site bookmarked, which proves that great minds think alike, or some such thing. Here is what this Christian Recovery Site has to say about being a dry drunk:

Definition: A colloquial term generally used to describe someone who has stopped drinking, but who still demonstrates the same alcoholic behaviors and attitudes.

Also Known As: Dry, Not Sober

Examples: His behavior hasn't changed at all, he acts like a dry drunk.What is the dry drunk syndrome? "Dry drunk" traits consist of:

1. Exaggerated self-importance and pomposity
2. Grandiose behavior
3. A rigid, judgmental outlook
4. Impatience
5. Childish behavior
6. Irresponsible behavior
7. Irrational rationalization
8. Projection
9. Overreaction

I also know, as Simple Sinner (of the beautiful dogs) has pointed out, that it is very popular to refer to our President as a dry drunk. (Ooooops - that was Terry who mentioned that.) I can't say this any stronger than this; It is not our place to decide who may or may not be an alcoholic, a "dry drunk", or even a bad Catholic. We can have very strong suspicions, but we best keep those to ourselves. Besides, it takes one to know one and a so-called "normie" is not the best judge of who is or isn't anything when it comes to addictions.

As an alcoholic, I see my own behavior when I look at that list - both when I was drinking and after I quit. You see, I stopped drinking so I could get "sober" by working on those defects of character listed above.

Take a moment and mentally run through a good examination of conscience. You will find the same things, most, if not all, rooted in the sin of pride. Do I have a "special" set of defects because I am a drunk? Absolutely not. But I had to stop drinking to address my sinful behavior. While drunk, you tend to think you're rather special. That's part of the problem.

The person who gets labeled a dry drunk is one who is not making any attempt to "work the Steps" of Alcoholics Anonymous. It is a lapsed Catholic, or even a Protestant, who does not return to his church and allow the Word of God to transform him. A.A. was founded on spiritual principles, and the Twelve Steps are a great help in leading us back to our religious roots. The founders of A.A. knew this and stressed the importance of God in our lives.

Here are some destructive patterns and actions that can result from dry drunk thinking:

1. We become restless and irritable and discontent.
2. We become bored, dissatisfied, and easily distracted from productive tasks.
3. Our emotions and feelings get listless and dull, nothing excites us anymore.
4. We start to engage in the euphoric recall that is yearning for the good old days of active using and for getting the pain and shame of use.
5. We start to engage in magical thinking and we get unrealistic and fanciful expectations and dreams.
6. The last thing we want is to be engaged in introspection to improve ourselves.
7. We start to become unfulfilled and have the feeling that nothing will ever satisfy our yearning or fill the hole in the soul.

Looking back at the list of attitudes and thought distortions listed above, it is easy to see how the dry drunk syndrome is simply nothing more then reverting back to the way it was when we were active in our use. If you are starting to notice some of the attitudes discussed here creeping back into your life, it is time to start paying attention to the possibility of relapse, and start turning your life in sobriety and recovery around. The dry drunk syndrome is a bright red flashing warning sign for relapse. Excerpt from Addiction Recovery Basics

Those destructive patterns are likely to emerge in anyone who has neglected their spiritual life. We'll talk more about that as we move on to Steps 12 and 13

* * * *

New Friend

Yesterday I received a delightful email from a young man by the name of Paul. Paul, or paulcoholic as he goes by on his blog, maintains four blogs. Having spent some time on each of these blogs I can say with certainty that this is a very special person. I also think it is not a coincidence that God sent me a Paul at the beginning of the Pauline year.

This is what Paul has to say about Paul from his profile:

I am a sober alcoholic and revert to the Church who found continued sobriety and serenity in the Faith. A 12-Step program established a basis, but I needed something more...

His main blog is called Sober Catholic which he describes as "The musings, meditations and meanderings of a sober alcoholic who maintains his sobriety by the graces of God through the Catholic Church."

He also maintains The Four Last Things, God's Merciful Love (which is mainly his lovely wife's blog), and Trudging Paulcoholic's Road. With a bit of extra time on his hands, even though he works a full-time job, Paul started Catholics in Recovery. In Paul's words it is "a social network for Catholics recovering from addictions (any: alcohol, drugs, whatever). It is just a place where people can meet in discussion forums, upload and share photos, videos and whatever. I figure the discussion forums would be most useful. It also fills a little bit that lack of interactive sites for Catholic alcoholics and addicts I mentioned above." (quote from his email)

One of Paul's loyal readers, John, mentioned that I was doing a little bit of "12 Stepping the Catholic Way" so Paul took a gander and being young he decided I was a rational human being. Please don't tell him the truth. Please!!

John writes the "Venerable Matt Talbot Resource Center". John is Dr. John Blair, a psychologist and professor emeritus, whose current research includes addiction recovery, conversion experiences, and 12-step spirituality. I know that Terry over at Abbey-Roads 2 is a Matt Talbot fan and has been referenced on this page that tells a bit of Matt Talbot's story.

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Today was the day to inaugurate my new chaise lounge in a wonderful shady spot in the yard. I wanted to take some pictures and after snapping two (not very good) pictures my battery needed re-charging.

Not to worry, though. Notice the chair is empty. It is empty because I really never got to enjoy the shade. Why? I was doing "12th step work." Step Twelve says "Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to alcoholics, and to practice these principles in all our affairs."


This afternoon a friend and I removed two kids ages 15 and 16 to safe homes after we discovered their father had "gone back out", a euphemism in the program for someone who starts to drink again. Closer to the home front, I consoled my brother over the continued drinking of his son, my nephew. It appears my nephew may be in some serious legal trouble, the details unknown at this time. It doesn't look good. My nephew is an attorney (lots and lots of drunk attorneys) and if what we suspect is true - there goes the law license. But even more important, if he doesn't stop drinking soon he will die.

The Chair is Empty

Solemnity of Saints Peter and Paul, Apostles

Second Reading

2 Tim 4:6-8,17-18

I, Paul, am already being poured out like a libation,
and the time of my departure is at hand.
I have competed well; I have finished the race;
I have kept the faith.
From now on the crown of righteousness awaits me,
which the Lord, the just judge,will award to me on that day,
and not only to me,but to all who have longed for his appearance.

The Lord stood by me and gave me strength,
so that through me the proclamation might be completed
and all the Gentiles might hear it.

And I was rescued from the lion’s mouth.
The Lord will rescue me from every evil threatand
and will bring me safe to his heavenly Kingdom.
To him be glory forever and ever. Amen.