Obama is giving a speech tonight...

allow me to summarize in advance.

My fellow Americans, um, uh, you know, ah, ah, ah

Islam is the religion of peace uh, uh, um...

and

I'm really upset about ISIL or ISIS or EYE SORE, uh, ah, ah, whatever is...

which has nothing, ya know, to do with Islam

which has helped build our wonderful country...

and, ya know

I'm speaking, ah, ah, in all truth tonight

if, uh , um, the Republicans would quit saying we maybe, um, er, ya know, left Iraq too soon...

and, ya know, um, er, no boots on the ground...

ISIL is not a threat, um, ah, ah, ah, ya know

because, um, ah, ah, it's all Bush's fault...

and, um

I'm really, really angry

also, ah, ah...

really sad about those heads that were, um, um, liberated from their bodies

ya know...

we'll be sending, ah, ah, ah a strongly worded letter

to whoever these foul, um, and nasty, ah, ah, people are...

and, allow me to say, um, ya know

I do have a strategy...

but, ah, ah...

it's a secret.