Monday, October 18, 2010

The self-esteem movement creates monsters...

Today we are reaping the rewards of the self-esteem movement which reached warp-speed in the 60's.  The whole concept of "We are perfect because God made us, therefore we can do no wrong",  has infected the schools (sans the God part), and has crept under cover of darkness into the churches.   TV personalities like Oprah Winfrey prattle on about how wonderful we are - God don't make no junk, doncha know - and pop psychologists have jammed the book stores with enough feel-good nonsense to keep even the most depressed among us busy for an eternity.

Protestant preachers, ala Joel Osteen, are making fortunes touting the prosperity gospel, and way too many Catholic priests have bought into "just follow your conscience."  Pay no mind to the fact that the conscience in question is probably very poorly formed.  Schools inflate grades so everyone can feel smart, and high schools graduate with as many as 15 valedictorians.  And we now have a permanent "victim" underclass who suffer due to no fault of their own.

Lately, our current president has been busy reminding the "small people" about our basic lack of understanding of the machinations of government.  We're told that in time we will understand...or maybe not, but never you mind - either way, "they" know best.  These people who have been elected to do the will of the people have drank deeply from the self-esteem well and we are paying the price.

One of the characteristics I find most often in liberals is their inability to accept responsibility for anything that goes wrong.  It is always the fault of someone or something else.  Our current president has been blaming "someone else" for two years.  Never mind his "stimulus" was a complete failure.  Cash for clunkers?  That sure worked out well.  A health care bill that had to be rammed through in the dead of night because no one wanted it.  Why that's because you're too stupid to understand the finer points.   Unemployment?  Not my fault.

Dr. Sanity has this to say in her fine article  Hardwired not to Think Clearly When Narcissistic:
[...]Our cultural focus on enhancing "self-esteem" has resulted in the near-worship of emotions and feelings at the expense of reason and thought; on emphasizing "root causes" and victimhood, instead of demanding that behavior be civilized and that individuals exert self-discipline and self-control--no matter what they are "feeling".

We see the people who have inhaled this "psychology-lite" everywhere around us, and in all levels of society. Particularly we can notice it in the elites of Hollywood and Academia; who alternate between acting out their narcissistically empowered superiority -- demanding to be noticed, admired and loved (by you); and playing the narcissistically empowered victim -- demanding their inalienable rights and privileges (at your expense). read the entire article - it's excellent
 In just over two weeks, the message from the small, but rational people of this country will be loud and clear.  Will the self-proclaimed elites hear it?  Don't count on it...



In case you missed it:

Right Wing News:  The Left transforms Civil Rights, so that it’s no longer freedom FROM government, but total control BY government

Randy's Round Table:  The Real Question on November 2 

The Washington Rebel:   A Little Monday Morning Anti-Gramsci


The Camp of the Saints:   Dr. B.H. Morbius Explains All

The Other McCain:  "Scared," Mr. President? 

Tea Party News:   The Competition of Church and State


Maggie's Notebook:   Obama: We Trail China's Infrastructure..again


Ordered Liberty:  Why  the Washington Senate Race Matters

Ruby Slippers:  Obama Looking Like a One-Termer says... 

Creative Minority Report:  Multikulti Cancelled - National Socialism - Not

Beltway Confidential (via Memeorandum)   Obama: Dems are in trouble because Americans aren't thinking clearly


Motus: Moving America Forward with Backwards Fashions, Buckeyes, and Bongs

17 comments:

belinda said...

Creates monsters?!? YES IT DOES!!

I was at a playground and a parent told their kid, "Good job the way you climbed up that jungle gym." I'm thinking , "Shuuuuuuut uuuuuup" that's what kids do.

Some poor soul is going to suffer when they have to work with this kid who's gonna need constant praise.

(Hurl, gag, knock it off already!)

But then when I kid does something really terrific that statement will lose it's significance.

Adrienne said...

Belinda - I was raised by a Mom who reminded me "there is always someone smarter or prettier." Keeps it real, doncha know!

Subvet said...

My kids NEED the "good job" comments, being autistic they're already behind life's 8 ball and sense it often. Today I found myself patting my five year old on the back and congratulating him on (finally) pooping in the potty!

We try to balance it by making darn sure they know to accept responsibility for their transgressions. Some days it's like juggling chain saws, on other days it gets worse.

As for other affirmations of worth or their opposite, I've known a few folk who spent their early years hearing how the Bible states that God hated Esau in the womb and so it's entirely possible they're on the Big Guy's poop list! Great stuff for elementary kids to hear!

Anyone surprised if I mention that after childhood they've had problems with drug/alcohol abuse?

They might have needed a few extra "attaboys" in their youth.

Adrienne said...

Sub - each child is an individual. Your children need special attention - which they are getting.

And for being on God's "poop" list? That's the other extreme and works no better.

Anonymous said...

I think that these "monsters" are actually not going to have true self-esteem at all. Because a person who is really secure in the knowledge of their personal worth wouldn't have that need for praise and approval of others. The funny thing is, this self-esteem movement probably isn't really helping people to achieve that.

Patrick Button said...

My mom would compliment me for good schoolwork and remind me that intelligence is not a virtue.

Sherry said...

Every time I hear anyone talk about self esteem, I cringe. Self respect is based on accomplishment, struggle, practice and time. Self esteem is based on momentary twittery phrases that eventually lose their power if they had any because they are repeated every day, like getting cake at every meal. The specialness of the treat becomes less and less and the negative consequences become more and more evident. The equisite difference between esteem and respect is ownership. Esteem requires others approve as an affadavit of self value, respect is internal and independent of validation from the outside world.

belinda said...

Subvet, I would agree that our disabled kids do need more praise. Life sure beats them up. My kid gets so depressed sometimes.

I think that most of these over praised self centered kids are intolorant of disabled kids. I've wittness it many times. My kid suffers but it's okay because some other kid feels marvelous about themselves.

Adrienne said...

Sherry - as usual you say it sooooo well!

Adrienne said...

Belinda - you hit on an important note. Over praised kids think that the "world revolves around them." The result is a lack of empathy.

Kids like the ones that shot up Columbine did so because of too much self-esteem - not the opposite. The first time they were seriously thwarted they responded with rage.

Janny said...

We had one of those kids who--almost literally--everything he touched turned to gold. He was smart, funny, reasonably cute :-), and an all-star athlete in three sports in high school who could always play beyond his years. What did we do? We told him, "Eventually, you're going to play for/go to a school with a bunch of people who are as good as you are, and better. Be prepared for that."

He was. He got to a major Big Ten university and, during a call home shortly after his arrival and first couple of practices with the baseball team--from whom he'd gotten a partial scholarship!--he said to me, in an awed voice, "Mom...I'm not even one of the NINE best guys on this team, let alone anywhere near the best. I'll be lucky if I stay on the team!"

I told him I suspected he would...because I also knew his work ethic.

He went on to win Big Ten Player of the Week twice in his senior year, multiple academic and athletic awards, and has made the transition to adulthood a lot better than his mother was able to handle it. :-) And, it must be said, a lot better than many of his teammates who were raised by parents who basically told their kids they were "golden" in every way, that if they ran into trouble it was someone else's fault, and such.

Self-esteem is something you need to function as a healthy individual. But high self-esteem comes from achievement...it's not something we need to "make sure you have" and provide FOR you.

JB

Bob Belvedere said...

Quoted from and Linked to at:
Free To Be You And Me = Condemned To Be Unhappy And Empty

T.L. Davis said...

Wonderfully written. This has long been a problem with my son, always someone else's fault, he is prevented from getting a job by whatever he wants today. My daughter, on the other hand, seems to be a natural at taking responsibility, understanding the causes of her failures and rectifying them. It is like watching a liberal and a conservative grow up.

Adrienne said...

"Self-esteem is something you need to function as a healthy individual. But high self-esteem comes from achievement...it's not something we need to "make sure you have" and provide FOR you."

Janny - Very well said!

It sounds like you did a wonderful job raising your son.

Adrienne said...

Bob - ah shucks! Thanks...

Adrienne said...

Patrick - Your Mom obviously did a great job raising you.

I could, however, do without the deer carcass. I was raised a city girl - you know - the kind of person who doesn't want to have a relationship with their future food. I'm still recovering from seeing Bambi over 50 years ago and don't even get me started on the death scene in the Lion King... ;-)

Maggie Thornton said...

"Lately, our current president has been busy reminding the "small people" about our basic lack of understanding of the machinations of government. We're told that in time we will understand...or maybe not, but never you mind - either way, "they" know best."

Isn't it appalling? And his minions lap it up, because that's the only way they can get in his stash.

We have a sick society for the very reasons you discuss. If not for blogging, how could we be sure it was anything else. I am so thankful for the Internet where I can read healthy people like you:-)

Adrienne, thanks for much for the link. I really appreciate it.