Twelve Steps for Catholics ~ part 14

Step Eight: "Made a list of all persons we had harmed, and became willing to make amends to them all."

Step Eight is where we start to separate the men from the boys (or girls from women, if you prefer.) And just wait till you have to do Step Nine. Woohoo – some fun!

So far we’ve been focusing more on ourselves. Now we’re going to have to face up to what our behavior has done to the people in our lives. We’re going to have to practice more of that “rigorous honesty” we hear so much about.

“This is a very large order. It is a task which we may perform with increasing skill, but never really finish. Learning how to live in the greatest peace, partnership, and brother-hood with all men and women, of whatever description, is a moving and fascinating adventure. Every A.A. has found that he can make little headway in this new adventure of living until he first backtracks and really makes an accurate and unsparing survey of the human wreckage he has left in his wake." Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions - page 77

We started this process when we did our moral inventory, but now we are going to dig a bit deeper to uncover our part in broken and damaged relationships. We are also going to learn how to forgive. It is no fair dredging up what others have done to us. That just speaks to resentments that have not been resolved. Always remember anger and resentments are poisonous to our well-being.

And don’t for one teensy, tiny moment think that the only person you hurt with your drinking was yourself. That’s hogwash, so you may just put that thought back in the trash heap of insanity it was pulled from.

Lets look at some of the things mentioned in the Twelve by Twelve as possible ways we could have harmed others. Were we consistently bad tempered or did we lie or cheat? Was our sexual conduct inappropriate? Were we miserly, domineering, irresponsible, callous, or cold with our families? Have we been irritable, critical, impatient, or humorless? Have we wallowed in depression and self-pity? I was a master at most of the faults listed and if you were to ask my husband, he would tell you I’m still controlling and critical.

As you ponder your life and relationships, try to avoid extreme judgments, both of ourselves and of others. Now is not the time for exaggerations. Get out a pen and paper and get to work.

“Whenever our pencil falters, we can fortify and cheer ourselves by remembering what A.A. experience in this Step has meant to others. It is the beginning of the end of isolation from our fellows and from God.” Twelve x Twelve - page 82

"Therefore, if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother has something against you, leave your gift there in front of the altar. First go and be reconciled to your brother; then come and offer your gift." Matthew 5:23, 24